how to host a sick ass bar crawl
taking a break from vulnerability for some prime time educational content 🤪
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In the year of our lord 2022, I hosted six bar crawls — strategizing after each one on how to improve the next, studying the blade, honing the art of the crawl at the metaphorical whetstone — all to deal with the fact that I was1 shattered inside. This essay is not about the shattered-inside. It does not in any way interrogate the psychological machinations behind my strange choice of coping mechanism, nor will it be even remotely deep or thought-provoking.
I’m just here to teach you how to host a sick ass bar crawl 🤪
Tututututttt — before you question me and my madness, let me sell you on it first. Listen, I love a good house party, but hosting a bar crawl is an art that comes with certain benefits and opportunities:
There’s no post-party clean-up involved, unless you puke on yourself.
There’s no monetary investment on the part of the host.
You don’t have to worry about managing the music/lighting/ambiance.
People can come and leave in less social-anxiety-inducing ways.
The movement and dynamism of going to bar to bar allows for more opportunities to organically meet new people.
No one will clog your toilet or fuck in your bedroom, unless you want to bring someone home afterwards to fuck in your bedroom and they happen to clog your toilet.
There is one big con. If you’re more into creating and controlling the perfect environment for your guests, from playlist to mood lighting to no-strangers-around, then feel free to click off this essay to eat a snack or call a friend. For the rest of you, trembling with anticipation —
THE ART OF THE CRAWL
choosing your bars
When choosing your bars, consider the following factors:
neighborhood - pick one that gives you plenty of options to begin with
walkability - don’t make your guests walk more than a few blocks between bars
$$$ - include at least one or two bars that are on the cheaper end. try to stay away from bars with cover
bar capacity - choose bars that can handle the size of your group
litness levels - bars should increase in litness levels throughout the night
As bar crawl host, you’re the vibe curator for the night. Leverage the work that these establishments do for their own ambiance, as well as the variety of environments that a dynamic, on-the-go party can benefit from. Each bar should be different enough from each other for a patron to notice — outdoor vs indoor, decor styles, drink selections — but not so different that people dressed for one would feel out of place at the next.
When you’ve selected a handful of options, pin them on a map and see what natural paths you can draw between bars. As stated above, bars should increase in litness levels. This allows for the first bar or two to be a good place to meet people when everyone is relatively sober and the environment is quiet enough to have decent conversations. Having this foundation will add a solid social aspect to the night, providing opportunity for new friendships to last past the night of drinking.
I’ve found that my sweet spot is four bars, with 1.5 hours at each bar. These should be bars that you’ve been to before, but if you haven’t, it’s imperative that you do a dry/semi-dry run, ideally at the same time and day of week you’re planning for your crawl. This will give you a chance to see their usual traffic on a given, let’s say Friday, and also provides the opportunity to ask the bartender/bouncer about upcoming events on dates to avoid.
If you intend on bringing a big group, do not do so without contacting the bar in advance for a vibe check. Some bars will be upfront and say that they don’t have the capacity, while some offer reservations.
customize your bar crawl
The elements of an optimal guest experience are convenience, fun, and memorability. Without the environment of a house party, you can’t do themed food or decorations, so it’s extra important for there to be a unifying element in your group. It also helps people to identify others in the group, especially if not everyone knows each other. This can be done through dress code or through something that you provide as a host.
Here are some examples I’ve tried out:
Lunar New Year - everyone wore red; I handed out red envelopes with personalized notes and passed out Asian jellies
Mid Autumn Festival - to celebrate the harvest, I gave one of these sprout pins to each participant to clip onto their clothing
Halloween - just make costumes mandatory!
Don’t Let Your Dreams be Memes - everyone dressed up as who they wanted to be when they were a kid
No theme - but everyone had a name tag so we didn’t have to keep re-introducing ourselves to each other! I highly recommend name tags
Depending on how committed your group is, you can get quite creative with these themes. For the most part though, I like to keep mine relatively accessible and only ask people to wear what they likely already have in their closets.
spreading the word
Whether you’re having a smaller crew or smashing together five friend groups, it’s advisable to be intentional about who you invite. There’s no directive for this; I can’t really teach you how to decide who is good company. But consider — if you’re the kind of person who has many different types of friends, will these friends mesh? Will you be anxious if they don’t?
IMO the point of diminishing returns for a bar crawl is around 30 people. Something smaller is completely fine, and up to 50 is also fine if you can find bars with larger capacities that take reservations.
As for the invites themselves, I’m a slut for Paperless Post, which comes with many free customizable options. If you don’t care that much about customization and theme, Partiful invites also look very rad. Facebook events are less cute but still acceptable, and even a well-worded copy-pasted text will do. The purpose of these invites is to:
provide a centralized source of information about the event, including: an explanation of the theme, the bar crawl stops along with the times you’ll be at each bar, and the dress code
set the intention and ambiance of the upcoming event so the guests can get hyped and know what energy to expect, similarly to how a company brands itself
Here are examples of two bar crawls that were similar in itinerary but very different in vibe:
Before the event, I like to send out a text blast with last minute updates or reminders, including my number so people can contact me in case they can’t locate the group.
during the actual event
One of the best things about hosting a bar crawl is that no one’s going to ask you where the water is or if you have a phone charger, but there are still some logistical matters at hand.
make sure your phone is fully charged as you’re the main point of contact for when someone is trying to find the group or ask if you’ve gone to the next bar yet
around ten minutes before you’re planning on heading to the next stop, do a quick round and let people know that you’re heading out soon so they can finish their drink and get ready to mobilize
because it can be hard to delineate who is in your party vs. a random bar-goer, you may have to actively introduce newcomers and integrate them if they don’t know anyone else there
keep the energy up on the trek between bars; I like to carry a Bluetooth speaker to play music on the walk, like a modern-day pied piper for drunk people
you can’t get too drunk lmao you are the conductor of a TRAIN
closing thots
Honestly, I mention a lot of bells and whistles in this guide, but the truth is you could text a group of homies with a loose schedule and see where the night takes you. No theme needed, no fancy Paperless Posts, just friends being pals. If you go all out, I suggest co-hosting so all the logistical and social obligations don’t fall squarely on your shoulders.
Anyway, that’s all. I hope my weird coping mechanism births a new generation of bar crawl hosts. Happy crawling, friends!
<tips fedora>
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